last night i found where hot topic managers go to die after they get fired.
We ended up on a hotel balcony in Daytona where she lured a seagull down with a pizza crust she found in her purse and preceded to grab it out of the air by it's neck.
Do you remember calling yourself Captain Cockblock and openly giving out everyones sexual history? Because you did.
They only knew me as the lesbian that passed out in a bathtub. That's not what you call friendship.
I'm on the struggle bus
just ordered a number 1 at a fast food restaurant that doesn't have numbers
WE COULD TOTALLY DO ECSTASY AND GO TO THAT CAT SHELTER OFF OF BROADWAY.
Do you remember using the vicegrip to demonstrate how wide your penis is?
It's brunch. If you find dick at brunch. You an A+ hoe.
I'm over here trying to figure out how to get shake shack delivered to my bed and Jamie is having a child
I was told today that I'm the ugliest bartender in the area, so, I guess I have that going for me.
My mum just told me to stop being so pathetic and just find someone to have sex with, even if I don't like them, just be grateful for the sex. Wow.
i smell like vinegar and tequila i can feel the old people behind me judging
Typical. We're ready to go, and you're not wearing pants.
You wouldnt listen to us when we told you there was no place that was selling girlscout cookies at 4:30am...
Just confirming I will be washing my asshole at your house at approximately 2:45 tomorrow afternoon.
The strangest confirmation message ever sent.
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