i spent my evening searching "the sims having sex" on youtube
we're no longer friends
i think i gave myself a perma-hangover. or god just hates me.
You don't understand, alcohol has become a thing of survival for me and without it I can't function as a normal human being
I feel like i made up for not being able to drink on St Pattys Day, Mardi Gras, and last years Cinco De Mayo. That hungover.
Someones car got stolen, everyone is yelling, and im drunk just sayin yeah buddy over and over again
Well, McDonalds 'escorted' me out after I passed out mid-order
She opened a beer bottle with her armpit and then gave me a cigarette from the waistband of her underwear. I dont know if I want to be her or marry her.
There was a suspicious looking plate that suggests I may have eaten salad with gravy
i was able to set 4 alarms to make sure i woke up in time for class but i couldnt take the open beer out of my pocket before i did cartwheels down the hall...
You basically told your boyfriend at the time you were going to shit in his hands.
And I meant every ounce of it.
It feels like my uterus is trying to crawl out of my ass wearing cleats. And yourself?
Every grown women needs to pee herself once in her life. It builds character.
Dude, you're only mentioning the Bro Code so I can't get any
My idiot ex texted me on Valentine's day to tell me I was right, he did need a therapist.
Just remember, the Browns have more wins than Ronda Rousey this year.
Randomize
