This girl is very crazy
She's one of those compassionate ppl
So everything I said on this seemingly endless date offended her
Our house smells like week old pizza, beer cans, cigarettes, and depressing career tracks....get lysol.
sometimes i wonder what i would do without sheltered catholic girls w/ overprotective parents
never have sex?
I just need someone to hold me and tell me i dont turn boys gay
do you ever lay in the bath and watch the blood hit the water?
EWW. Don't discuss your period with me. You can go shave your back now.
i was watching some porn this morning and i realized i am blessed with a truly beautiful vagina
i just threw up in front of the washington monument. such a scenic puke.
Is there any way to un-invite somebody to a wedding? I just checked out the other family, and I can't have a cockblock there.
I made him breakfast and we cuddled on the couch watching march of the penguins, which is, in case you were unaware, the opposite of fucking on a pool table
This weekend was suppose to be a 'smoke weed and stare at things' weekend. Not a 'spend all my rent money partying with Europeans till 8 am' weekend
Yeah but those French chicks did get naked
Also, as my manager i'm going to put you in charge of making sure i don't drown.
I woke up in a poorly constructed blanket fort on a strange office floor covered in rug burns and champagne. How was your night?
I just got my beard fondled by a drunk chick outside the venue. I feel slightly violated. And I think her boyfriend wanted to fight me.
I woke up to half of the whiskey bottle gone, and apparently I showered in my clothes. Pretty good start to SB2015 I'd say?
I came home in someone else's underwear this morning
Atleast you got a souvenir
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