Will you take my knitting needle, stick it far up my nose, reach in my frontal lobe and give it a few swirls?
I woke up to 30 angry texts and her Chihuahua in my room. Can you drop him off for me?
Last night drunk me texted a sure to be hungover me my class schedule and locations for today. I'm like a mom preparing her child for the first day of school
he told me he had a problem with me going both ways. like what the fuck. what guy says that to a girl? goodbye planned threesomes...
Could someone please kill snooki before she contributes to the gene pool.
Do you want the something i can tell my mom in ten year version or the you're gonna call me a whore but be proud version?
Your lack of great college experience of margaritas and foam parties scares me
Blacked in riding a tandem bicycle with a stranger. We stopped for hot dogs.
you left saying you wanted to "go piss on that girl's doorstep" and we didn't see you the rest of the night
that actually explains a lot
her spring break bucket list included "break into The Swamp, blow him where Tebow has Tebowed"
Nothing better then waking up to multiple snap stories of people doing body shots of tequlia off of you
My blue shorts are now brown from all the stripper fake tan
Was that you calling me at 4am asking to borrow a rubber ducky and a tampon?
Um..... I have taste. The only thing I am going to bedazzle is my vagina.
Woke up with a bed full of sand...care to explain?
Isnt is self explanatory?
Randomize
