Yeah next time you are over I'll let you beat it on her pillows and you will feel better.
Wow, Pearl Harbor and The Notebook are on. Its like the Im going to kill myself marathon.
Well, I guess that settles the question of how thick the walls are in my building.
I'm in my boyfriends bathroom and I shit so bad, there was no toilet paper but his mom's clothes were on the floor and I wiped my butt on her underwear... now it looks like she sharted
He asked what my name was on facebook chat. IT SAYS RIGHT THERE. i will never be drunk enough for this guy.
Jeff just maced a waitress...it's way too early for this.
There are about 5 pictures of my dog taking a dump on my camera and 20 of Brandon taking one for "comparison" reasons.
I'll be gone when you wake up but you hit a girl so I knocked you out. Never hit a girl. Unless it's with your penis.
I got really high and googled the history of Amish people for like an hour.
we're decorating our christmas cookies with birth control. so pretty.
You know you come from good stock when you can have a family discussion about excuses to scam pain pills from the doctors
so i ran into nick. i may be more gay than anticipated
He gave me the "find somebody who wants to date you for who you are" speech while I walked around the house asking people for pants.
I just want to be like "i dont know you but ive seen your penis & i like it"
Im sober enough to understand what people are saying but drunk enough to understand its hilarious
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