she told me I give head better than a lesbian. I know it's a great compliment but it kind of threw me off.
Just saw my father's penis. Don't know what to say.
So you have no knowledge as to why I am hearing loud repetitive mooing from next door?
it took me 7 solid minutes to realize "egggGSaucetingf" meant "exhausting"
cheese fries, coffee, with a side of dry heaving in the bathroom at the diner on campus at 5am. never felt better.
OH DEAR GOD. He looks like if u licked him he'd taste like bourbon, sex and sunshine.
I must be the strongest person who ever managed to get knocked down by a pug.
I snapchatted his face mid sex. Needless to say, I don't think I'll ever see him again.
It's gotten to the point that when I close my eyes to cum all I see is candy crush
He came so hard that he yelled what sounded like a spell from Harry Potter.
valentines day is a day for loved ones to share. So me and my vibrator. Happy holidays.
Just went to court for a citation. Guess who my DA was? That girl I ATM'd last weekend. No ticket for me!
Just leave a note saying "riding dick see you in the mornig"
It took me longer to jump start my car and get to his house than the fucking actually took.....
If that pentatonix bullshit is playing when I get home we're breaking up
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