Who keeps a bong in their car??
Kids who graduated high school two weeks ago.
He still wants to giggity, regardless of his girlfriend. So...I guess I'm happy again.
your mascara is on the toilet seat from when you fell asleep last night
My mom is purposely blasting Shania Twain downstairs so I can't jack off.
P.S, i don't recommend doing keg stands on top of vehicles.
A kid in my class brought a George Foreman and cooked food mid lecture. When the prof found out, all the kid did was ask if he wanted some.
You got cut off after you tried to make the dog funnel moscato.
That one dude should feel honored if he were to get herpes from you. Fuck that Guy. He is a herpe.
Fucking her was like skydiving commando in a flightsuit made of kittens
I mean I'm into guys with money but more into guys I'm actually attracted to
yeah i guess i'd rather he was hot than rich
wow i don't know if that qualifies as growing up but if it does i'm all in
I was woke up by the fucking Star Spangled Banner this morning. I sat up in bed and put my hand over my naked heart. I was so confused
You wrote me a check. For zero dollars. For my soul. Dick.
I "liked" his changed relationship status just to show him I'm ok with the fact he found someone not as pretty as me
I have aggressive nipples.
We went to the midnight donut shop and you hopped the counter and told everyone to "Get the Fuck out of your Bar" but to also "Make yourselves at home".
Randomize
