can we please move this conversation out of my vagina?
Please don't tell anyone I peed on your wall.
Completly hung over at midnight, I knew there was a downside to drinking at 2pm
Then I received a text in French, that roughly translated to "all you'll ever be good for is sex on the Internet"
Thank you for the breast cancer awareness themed circle of death. Had it been any other time I would not have played topless.
On campus. Grown men in women's sexy bee costumes. Complete with legwarmers. This cannot be real life.
I'm not entirely sure what we did is legal in the U.S., but I know that couple wont be the same
The last time I saw you, you were rolling around on the ground at the bar.....
.....well it was bound to be an interesting night since I was chasing my pulls with pulls....
Real reason I can't work: it's Tuesday. I get stoned and watch buck Rodgers in Tuesday.
Jesus Christ you're perfect.
I'm 99% sure I just puked glitter. Wine drunk Mondays shouldn't be a thing.
She wouldnt stop trying to stick her finger in my ass. I wish she wasnt so hot
You told her you double majored in Geology and Telekinesis. When has that line ever worked for you?
I just moonwalked my socks off. THAT LAZY. THAT HIGH.
There aren't enough words in the English language to fully describe how worried I am for your dick. And the rest of you, I suppose.
Last night I had a dream that a man with an ice cream body entered a bicycle throwing contest and won.
Randomize
