it was a shit show
We all have our days. But yours might be on the internet.
Why did every guy I have ever slept with have to come into the library today?
Who tried to make mustard cubes with the ice cube tray?
I was eating out this girl yesterday and when I finished, she asked me if I wanted to take any home with me. She was serious, dude!
What does that even mean?
is it true you fucked a yoga instructor last night??! ..and let me know if you want me to post that question on your facebook so kelly can see how happy you are without her
Does boxed wine and camel crushes signify a college date? Lets hope so
all her text said was "asdfhdaufhudshfuds" and i knew that meant come over
... there are chew marks on my license. I have no idea.
I'm going to take a nap so I don't feel like a stripper sneezed in my mouth tomorrow morning at work.
Trying to ignore the fact that a kid I hooked up with twice just gave me spare keys to his house ... and car.
I found my limit. I will not, in fact, blow my 78 year old professor for an A in his class.
Out of all the things you could eat off of my tits you choose lettuce? Thats so healthy. Yuck.
I've been with my family a total of 20 minutes and I'm ready to go on a bender. This is going to be a long weekend.
he was wearing a widestriped red gingham suit jacket with complete sincerity im not surprised she beat the shit out of him
just licked the cheese off a burger. that high.
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