I need a shot of tequila, and quick death
Please tell me how I woke up out in the middle of nowhere wearing nothing but a hard hat and a man thong?
i'm in the guys across the halls apartment. i think 7 MIP guy wants me. he just got a medical marijuana card. might be worth it.
She said she didn't think she should have to shave either. Guess no shave November just became no sex November.
she asked me what the final straw was. i had to tell her i caught him jerking off to digimon porn. i don't know what i'm more upset by, that he was masturbating to cartoons, or that he was masturbating to sub-par cartoons
I got her a Nickelback box set.
two words...techno handjob
The engagement ring savings account is now the strippers and gin savings account. What are you doing tonight?
We got really stoned and then we fucked. Then he made me a panini.
Oooh, he sounds pretty classy
Actually, not at all. We were stoned so he made me a peanut butter panini. With a Rollo in the middle of it. And he left the panini press on all night. I could have died.
Why aren't you two playing Dora the explorer with each other's genitals yet?
I'm not a whore anymore. I gave up 90% of my women for you. I'm a 4-5 woman kind of guy now.
After we finished having sex, he drunkenly tried to hugh five me, farted, then accused me of stealing his socks.
I loaned him a tie and then had to tie it for him. I'm like his weird lesbian girlfriend.
I passed out in your bed last night...there maybe a snickers and twix bar under your pillow
Well hell, he's gotta sleep in the bed he's made. Multiple times. For multiple girls I'm sure.
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