I was in the bathroom and her cat just looked at my penis with a profound hatred.
My goal for the party is to get everyone in a diaper. Reasonable?
WHY DOES GOD HATE MY DICK
hey sry I lost all my numbers who is this?
pat the guy you slept with
still need a last name
I had 4 margarita's and 2 mixed drinks and i blew zero's. Its a cinco de mayo miracle.
Before you ask, yes. Whatever you're wearing IS too slutty for his mom's funeral.
I think that last shot was nyquil. Please come gte me. WINGS.
uh, 3 redbulls and 400mg of caffeine pills and i still feel like life is in slowmotion..lets not take tranquilizers again.
I'm venturing to your corner of this sin house in t minus 2 minutes.
This is just what we do. We meet guys, go back to their place, smoke all their weed & go home to compete in out own version of Cupcake Wars.
Just at the gym drinking. We call it treadmillcolada
Just had to stop myself from doing a bump on the Disney bus. The struggle is real.
It was like being run over by an orgasm freight train.
Rough day
Good thing I've started drinking again
Woke up from a black out in a strangers Jeep without phone, shoes, or wallet.
Randomize
