Do u think she knows her nickname is the oompa loompa
So theres a slight possibility i may not graduate according to planned because i was out getting laid instead of studying. And im okay with that.
Burger king has cupcake flavored milkshakes. God dammit America.
we found him in the shower with a bottle of jose saying "this is Mexico's fault"
He gave her the shocker .. I didn't know people really did that.
he sent me a picture of his dick with a heart border around it
You mailed him a break up letter, because you thought the "joy of receiving a letter" would ease the pain of you dumping him.
So, do you think I should wash the ashes off of my forehead before going to the strip club?
Thanks to this cookie, I have now eaten something other than skittles today.
I knew it was gonna be a rough night when the guys next to us at Relay for Life started shot gunning beers and yelling "This ones for all the hot chicks that went bald because of cancer". It kinda went downhill from there....
Things I had in my bed when I woke up: an avocado, a toilet brush, and a note that says thanks but no thanks with the number of taco bell on it. WHAT DID I DRINK?
Nothing says love like couples STD testing
Nothing says breakup like the results
I've never met a penis that didn't think I was awesome.
I’m really upset they canceled the conference. Since the divorce I’ve been working out, I bought cute new outfits and even found a bikini I liked. Now it’s all online. You can’t get laid at a webinar
You’re better off without him. Actually, he’s better off without you and that’s what really matters
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