yeah I know. she is a stupid fat trailer trash bitchwhore and I hate her
but when she came up to me in the bar I had to be all like "OMG HEYYY how are you, I haven't seen you in foreverrrrr!!"
but for the record, yeah, I hope she gets mauled by a bear and dies
i barfeds in our rink
I'm bakin' bread in my pussy!
What?
I have a yeast infection.
You were dancing on the bar and fell off into the arms of the hot bartender. It was like a fairy tale, with more alcohol.
he burped in my vagina and tried to deny it...
Who's got a bloodstream full of margaritas by 2pm? Not you, that's for sure, because you've got one of those "real" jobs.
My date keeps hitting on your friend. Had no expectations, but not a real confidence booster.
wait can you just like go into detail with this penis touching thing? like was it a hand job or was it like a day at the petting zoo or something
In case you wake up wondering why your eyes hurt... You were claiming to be Zeus and that mortal weapons couldn't harm you. Some chick took it as a challenge and pepper sprayed you. Sorry dude.
hes that one kid that offered to spoon after staring at me for 5 minutes
I hooked up with Spider-Man on the hood of Santas car. I kept saying that he could shoot his web at me. Also I found Waldo. Overall good night.
If there's anything else you're planning on stealing from me, please let me know so I can set it on fire
He fucked me while wearing a unicorn horn. I think I have found the one...
Pretty sure my boss knows there's Jack smell coming out of my pores right now... He just gave me a look...
My friend Julia's mom just called her to say she got a puzzle in the mail made of cheese and when she put it together it spelled FUCK YOU and she doesn't know who it's from.
Randomize
