I swear to god Optimus Prime and Megatron are fighting in my head right now.
don't worry, i already broke the ice when i told the story about how i super glued a picture of big bird to my vag.
went out last night and woke up on the bathroom floor again, thinking about just moving my bed in there.
She made a guy cry in the bar. I will have her, oh yes, I will have her..
i just saw an ambulance and a fire truck pull away from the dorms. it appears somebody actually IS feeling shittier than me today.
No i'm not calming down the girl at white castle did not need to see the picture of my dick on your phone.
He only had napkins in the bathroom... no toilet paper. If I fuck him, am I settling?
Yea he called the cop officer fonzarelli and asked him if he was mad because happy days was off the air. Boom, beaten and arrested
I just told my mother my "if there are drugs I'm only taking them if I don't have to pay" rule and witnessed her perception of my shatter and crumble behind her eyes.
I swear you won't find cereal in your washer machine again.
He was 6'5 and wearing a kilt, how could I not fuck him
I sent him a tex saying, "I thought my intentions were clear" drunk me has some balls.
Just by hearing the girl outside reciting the info on her fake ID, I know it's gonna be a good night
You could at least care enough to fake an orgasm for me.
Just met my future wife. Please dont fuck her.
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