and that's when the elephants and penises started dancing on the ceiling
Hi, my name's audrey!
Max?
Sorry, this girl is phone-stealing drunk.
I don't even know why I got my vag waxed
Ugh, tell me about it. As each day passes and the hair grows more, I get a little more depressed.
well now i know if i ever need to drive puke and talk on the phone at the same time i can
Dude turns out her best friend is lesbian...there is no wingman for this situation
sometimes i think my sole purpose in life is to cockblock my roommate
We should tie ourselves together anytime there is any type of alcohol involved. It's the safest way. I either end up with freshmen or weird ex bfs. You end up with a large cowboy. This is not good for us
I legit just woke up on my couch, snuggled up next to some guy who's wearing my roommate's pink bathroble. What the fuck do they put in those shots?
I don't want to die alone with cake watching shows about cake
She has a tattoo on her inner thigh that's an x with a long dotted line. So after she passed out I signed it. Dunno what else I was supposed to do...
We found her on the balcony debating if it was easier to jump or throw up. Neither decision would not have been good for the 91 year old below us.
If that orgasm indicates how the rest of the year is going to go, I need to buy rain boots.
the last thing I remember is taking a pull of ever clear and chasing it with vodka
Well I typed "penicillin a" into the search engine and before I could finish "penicillin and drinking" popped up. Google knows me too well.
I’m gonna slowly take you in my mouth and push you deep into my throat so my lips are right up against your body and then I’m gonna fucking bite your shit off if one more of our friends shows me a snap you took while I was giving you head. Are we clear?
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