I may or may not have started my period at the bar. Good thing I have dark jeans on.
this girl just gave me her phone number and 5 mins later right in front of me she is giving her number to another dude
call her and ask her what she thinks she's doing
you always know who the new freshman are on fb because theyre always wearing prom dresses
so i decided not to tell her that her fiance is cheating since i already bought the bridesmaid dess
I JUST GOT MY PERIOD AND MY VISA FOR LONDON GOT APPROVED! BEST DAY EVER!
i just woke up at 8pm naked in my bed, with a fresh haircut. I wonder what barber i went to.
Y'know, without the cops, it would've just been us daydrinking,
pretty sure the dicks i sucked were punishment enough
Yeah, I'm sure we have time for sex AND ihop.
Blowing a married man is so much more important than a 12 year olds basketball game.
You are allergic to dogs. DO NOT kidnap something you are allergic to. No matter how fluffy.
he was almost the father of your baby, you should let him take you to dinner
You smell like a steam boat captain.
Whatever your on right now, I want.
Rough birthday weekend. Eating McDonalds in the shower and used a fifth of sky as a pillow last night
Look, I need your help, not your judgment.
Randomize
