And then I said "flip over. I want to show you something i learned in Afghanistan."
my quiz for the book was only 2 questions and my one answer was sorry and then a sad face
first off, his name is dougie. strike one.
Fat lady wearing Shape Up's. I would feel bad making crude comments, but she has to know it's coming.
I really don't think you should have 'baptized' your tattoo in vodka the same night you got it.
So we'll go out later for condoms and cake batter... aka grocery shopping for champions.
"drunk introduce yourself to everyone colleen" came out last night... you kept grabbing guys faces that you just met and just kept saying their names over and over and over again so you wouldn't forget.. then would see them 5 minutes later to introduce yourself again..
Missing part of a tooth cos I tried to open a beer with my teeth, just saw a dude that looked like bill Cosby though so things are looking up
I snapchatted his face mid sex. Needless to say, I don't think I'll ever see him again.
How do you tell a woman that you are seeing that the scars on your back are from her awesome-in-bed little sister?
I came home braless and wearing a tail....
He fucked me over, so I'm going to do what any rational woman does. I'm going to get really high and have sex with his brother.
When the state fair security guard came to yell at her for having outside food and drink she threatened to kick him if he tried to stop her and then she proceeded to chug the whole bottle.
classic
the insurance claim form from last night says foreign object removal from genitourinary tract so as far as the insurance company knows, it could have been a gerbil
Will you PLEASE get your mom to stop telling me I'd make a great husband? She knows I'm gay, right?!
I know, but she really likes you. Have you met my brother yet?
Randomize
