I shaved my pubes to make my cock look like it has a lions mane. to surprise the girl that works at the zoo when she comes over.
I don't know what I could have possibly done in a past life to deserve watching my boyfriend projectile vomit margaritas and probs blood while completely naked.
We were doing it doggy style, and I puked on the floor and started crying, he told me it was okay his cat would eat it... and if it would make me feel better we could do anal...
And they lived happily ever after....
having sex with him was like banging macgyver. he did the most amazing shit with the simplest things
my mom just texted me to let me know that Hooters is hiring
i wish my mom had big dreams like that for me
i lost virginity while listening to candy shop. something in my life has finally gone right.
On the bright side I still get a $20 referral bonus at the plasma center even though he passed out during donation because he was so high.
Don't think anyone else in the building has a lunchbox full of yay
Hey there's a sandwich in there too!
she keeps dunkaroos and gatorade in her bed. yep pretty sure im in love.
You know if we weren't hooking up I think we'd actually be friends
We just got busted fucking in the hammock by his roommate...I'm so out of here as soon as hes asleep....
He wanted to watch a Charlie Brown thanksgiving. But I was like, fuck that, I'm a grown up. So we watched jumanji and I sucked his dick.
Dude I am a waste of space, I just febreezed myself so I could go out and get lunch
Knew i was going to puke. So i grabed a bowl out of the kitcken in the dark before bed...Ended up puking into a spaghetti strainer...
When he busted out the ketchup I got the hell out of there. It got really creepy really fast.
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