you jizzed all over me and yelled "makeover"
I make my boyfriend pay for half of my birth control. We call it his monthly rent.
What. The. Fuck. No, you will not spank me.
That wasn't intended for you, my bad.
We convinced him to snort an altoid. We should not be allowed to drink together
Single person behavior: I wanted a cookie but was too lazy to make or go buy any, so I let cookie dough ice cream melt and ate all the chunks. Pantsless.
So the name of the kid from the sponsor a child comercial popped into my head while I was masturbating this morning. Needless to say I will now be now be donating out of guilt.
Don't come. It's not even a party it's a total sausage fest. Like 20 drunk dudes in a bedroom. We can still drink by ourselves though it'll be ok
You just jumped of the couch and yelled "hidden tiger crouching dragon!" That's the answer to how you broke your finger.
the amount of times i have been intoxicated, barefoot, and in a robe at 3 am at the quick check by your house is impressive, especially since i live an hour away
Id prob hit it, but i instagram edited her picture to make her look better. Ha. She should fuck me just for that.
So why exactly are your shoes in my freezer?
he made me cum so hard i had an asthma attack
Unintionally got shitfaced at study group this week. The waitress brought out a fishbowl of long Island iced tea. Challenge accepted.
I'd have to have a ring. Like I don't want to be called "the ex girlfriend that shit on me"
Dude. If you guys end up really liking each other, the color of his pubes won't matter. I wouldn't break a sweat.
Randomize
