Im glad youre not pregnant with that New Jersey assholes baby. Your vagina would have smelled worse than Newark.
if reincarnation is for serious, i better be a guy in my next life
with a huge shlong
massive. i wanna make bitches cry
yea pretty sure we followed the trail of your spaghetti-o vomit to find the car
so this guy comes in from the patio covered in puke and says "we gotta go"...Yup u need to go is an understatement
Am I allowed to say that I would really enjoy blowing you again? Or does that fall into the "nothing changes between us" catagory?
I hope you don't have to start the day explaining to me how you failed to turn "Can I practice my belly dancing in your apartment" into all night sex.
We now only communicate via Xbox messages. Living together is so easy
I forgot I did whipits. Probably because my brain cells were killed from the whipits
He added his name to my To Do list. That's the way to my Type A heart.
We broke into her grandpa's pool at 2 am and I held my underwear out the window on the way home.
Last night he ate BBQ Pringles out of my boobs...I feel like it was moderately productive
He told me how it ended, then I blew him.
So he ruined the best cinematic experience of your life and you REWARDED him??
Your choices in alcohol this weekend are thoroughly disappointing
I'm hiding in my office refusing to turn the light on holding puke down stealing and shoveling down the meeting snacks and regretting my poor life choices. goldfish crackers are like crack to me right now. how is your day?
this old people party is bangin. they have apple cider with everclear in it
Randomize
