I was just walking through Burbank and saw a hobo using solar panels on his shopping cart. We must be in trouble if the hobos are researching alternative sources of fuel...
Omg just saw this kid I went to elementary school with at the bar and he used to be cool and I was so awkward but now I have boobs so I WIN.
Please stop trying to convince people that you're retarded and I suck your dick in the same conversation.
Karaoke makes my soul die one wretched song at a time
i feel as if its time to shave my pubes but i should wait until before the party. nobody likes a sloppy drunk girl with a stubble-crotch.
story of my life.
The biggest loser is alot easier to jack off to at the end of the season
My face is bruised from laying on the concrete. NO MORE VODKA!
Please come fuck me. I had the worst sex of my life the other night and I need to be reminded that sex is actually enjoyable
If you do wifi you would be helping my penis out & real friends care about their friends penises...
So help my penis see only you. Give him some attention as well.
I have the relationship skills of Miley Cyrus and I could've said this was a bad idea
I just screamed IM THE CHUPACABRA and jumped on his dick. I need to evaluate my life choices.
I've been really sick the past 4 days. Last night, I actually turned down a bj. I may be dying.
And now I'm taking a break sitting on the bathroom floor thanking god that people who eat at subway are either too classy to piss on the floor, or are still relatively sober enough to not piss on the floor before 5pm.
What you have to understand is that our lives aren't a disappointment so much as they crashed and burned with lethal doses of radiation and dog shit.
Randomize
