The first thing on our $10,000 damage bill was "condoms in the main drain"
this guy jus got head in a gas station bathroom from this fat chick with one leg
gross dude. was the guy blacked out drunk or something?
yeah and it only cost me 6 dollars
By the way, her vagina was so tight i was worried that i would be stuck forever
I went to check the drunk texts i sent last night but my phone deleted them already. Even my phone is ashamed.
Nah, I'm just going to keep fucking him until he realizes we're perfect for each other.
They don't allow McDonald's in the ER. Go figure
I couldn't drown my sorrows in an ocean of jack daniels. They may have scuba gear.
My logic for bringing him home was, he's in law school so odds are he wouldn't kill me.
Only at Harvard can you walk in on a bunch of stoners and expect everyone to immediately stand up, shake your hand and introduce themselves like we're at a fucking job fair
it was like a shit fog rolling out of the east to encompass me and have it's way with me
I couldn't find my hair brush so I just brushed my hair with a cat brush. I should not be dating.
Sitting in a music store. There is a 40 something year old guy in a track suit, with a boner, and playing the ukelelie quite intensely.
thanks for thinking of me.
I'm eating chicken wings naked and hungover at 10am... Happy bday to me
I have no idea, I usually just project my awkwardness out like a mating call until it draws other awkward members of the opposite sex out from the bushes
I've decided I will have no shame for the things I don't remember doing.
Randomize
