remember facepaint boy? turns out it stains. aaaand i have it all over my face and neck.
Give me one situation where peeing in your garage could be a bad idea
It's hard for me to sext him when the picture i see on my phone when he texts me is his facebook default of him and his girlfriend.
She was either really drunk or really not interested. Everytime I tried to ask her about herself she would respond with a line from Stepbrothers.
This is going to be another afternoon spent getting drunk in the shower, isn't it?
Is it bad to get into the ocean at night? i always thought sharks hated the smell of vomit after drinking
threw up in the kitchen showroom. home depot employee of the month.
Seriously I just dipped a banana in vodka I really need to stop drinking
it's like if youve been living with the grinch for 15 yrs and then santa shows up with a big gift begging to fuck the christmas spirit back into you. no one can say no to santa.
Simple math equation: Up till 5 a.m. drinking + up at 9 a.m. for nephews birthday party = puking in the pool
It's the happiest looking penis I've ever seen. It should have a top hat and a spectacle on and soft shoe across the room with a cane. He's a cheery little feller.
Yeah because the only thing stopping you from fucking Emma Watson is you not being a Gryffindor
Oh also we fucked while one of the old Rudolph movies was playing on tv so it was festive
You know you're more responsible when you turn down your bed and make a clear path to it before you go out..
Peru was great. He sent me a text after thanking me for my amazing morals which confused me but made me oddly proud...then he texted a correction. He meant my amazing oral. Sadly this Made me prouder. Fuck u bitches and ur morally inhibiting gag reflexes.
Randomize
