Ah why did you tell everyone you dragged your sac across my face!
I am sitting on my kitchen floor drunk with a bottle of jose cuervo, tryin to make cinnamon rolls and write a paper. I love college
just had cupcakes and mountain dew for dinner-now i'm playing super mario brothers. 10 year olds all over the world would kill to be me.
I should just wear a shirt that says "Im Sorry" on the front because the second we land in Vegas, I'm going to be a fuckin trainwreck.
Remind me if I threw up on you last night or if that was just a dream.
for once, the $56 i am about to pay for plan b was actually worth the sex.
Babe. Honestly. Trust me. Your balls are not that big. And i'm eager.
I'm lying here drinking water from a shot glass..moving is not an option right now
During breaking dawn, he leaned over and asked me why she would have to worry about her period since she essentially just married a walking super-absorbant tampon... It was the best way to ruin those movies for me.
We legit stopped the the game so that Jamie and I could throw up in the bushes, and then continue to play intramurals... this is what my life is coming to1
He needs a high five right to the fucking mouth. With a chair. Or an atomic bomb.
Trying to convince myself that everyone keeps staring at me because I'm pretty and not because of my hickies.
There still is not and there never will be anything as magical as getting high while listening to William Shatner's version of Bohemian Rhapsody.
I walked into Anna's room this morning and she was like teary eyed, with pizza sauce all over the place
What kind of friend would I be if I didn't make you hate things you once loved?
Randomize
