The coffee and champagne are fighting over who gets to absorb the one pancake in my stomach
He asked me to touch his mustache. Should I go home with him?
you can feel better about your life now. i slept with a guy who has gold teeth
I honestly didn't see the problem playing beer pong In the car on the road trip home.
We started a mustache riot at white castle at 4 in the morning. Will explain in detail.
Your job is getting in the way of our day drinking. Shots on the hour are not as cool alone.
You crawled everywhere and rolled in ice cream. No more vodka for a month.
Who knew that "When in doubt, pelvic thrust" would end up being the best motto ever? In other news, I think I may have joined roller derby.
The tequila covers up the fact that the choco liquor tastes like sadness.
I'm just trying my hardest not to get addicted to drugs or pregnant and all your other friends are out there getting married
I think the biggest problem with being overhigh is when the kitchen was on fire and I was pointing and laughing and eating rootbeer oreos like it was fucking Ozzfest 2000
HOLY FUCK I almost floated out of the city. Thank god my dog kept me down.
Truth be told it's significantly easier to get over someone when they file a police report on you
and idk now I have nine bags of lettuce in my fridge
my roommates gone so i can take codeine and sleep naked
Randomize
