Also, the republican called me again last night. He called me dumb and ugly then begged to come over. Gosh... he knows how to make me want him...
I want to take you away to a place of dolphin rides and hot stone massages.
before smithy murders me i need you to know 3 things. 1) i got with smithy's little sister last night. 2) i will always love you like my own brother. 3) smithy's little sis digs anal.
we were doing it doggy-style and i felt him pop that pimple on my back.I have mixed feelings about it
Game over. He has a paternity test request on his table.
There is literally a guy in my class with a gallon of water and a trophy.
almost got into it with the cashier. bitch dont look at me like that just cuz im only buying wine and icing. ill fight.
Okay. We're coming naked. We need Saran wrap and plastic forks.
She is still a psychotic unstable bitch, and is therefore PERFECT drinking game fodder
I kinda wanna Instagram the giant vag stain on my sheets. That is something to be proud of. It's a Christmas miracle.
I have a sixth sense for large penises and lack of morals
There is a guy down by the river wearing a zebra print speedo and a sombrero, with a beer in each hand, screaming "This is America bitches!"
I got caught throwing up in my daughters princess potty... On the bright side it played a rewarding tune afterwards.
Seeing someone hit Themselves in the balls with someone else's hand is amazing. I love being the sober one
I want to meet people. Preferably ones with penises
Randomize
