I may just buy something cuz i have 6 weddings in the next year and a half.
Holy shittt I don't even have a bf
Apparently throwing up on his dick didnt convince him to stay away . . . whats the most indirect way of saying "im just going to continue avoiding you"?
There needs to be a newsfeed for phones... A list of all my drunken calls, texts, BBMs, new contacts, pictures sent AND received, all in chronological order.
yeah, its right past the deli mart where i showed my right tit for mozzarella sticks.
You were basically naked. Just covered in pink duck tape and feathers. I'd have to say this is beyond the slutty mark..
You need to come over. I cant get her to stop eating honey mustard straight from the squeeze bottle
Well last time he got out of rehab he lasted 6 hours. So 3 days this time is quite an accomplishment.
Priorities: waking up on your doorstep desperately clutching half a meatball marinara but with no sign of your keys, purse or housemate. Where are you?!
Just explain how I got from the bar to a house I've never been in, waking up to a cop in uniform ripping a bong
They have a stripper pole on their deck. Normal.
So last night I taught an old homeless dude to respond to "Blue" so I could shout your my boy Blue at the party
HELP! I GOT DRUNK IN THE LIVING ROOM AND CANT GET UP UPSTAIRS
leave me alone I'm becoming one with nature and doing plant things
He said he doesn't "believe" in cuddling. Can you come get me?
Everyone in Columbus is two degrees of separation from my vagina.
Randomize
