Is it normal to miss your booty call?
Is it possible to be promiscuous but in a classy way?
What part of "waking up in the crawl space of my house with a raccoon" sounds like a good night to you?
Well at one point you put icyhot on your feet because you lost your shoes and it was snowing outside.
no, i'm not a lesbian.. i just really want to fuck you while drinking, thats normal in a friendship.
If one more "stranger" walks up to me at the bar and asks how I have been, I am going to rehab.
Annd you probably wouldn't of fallen down the stairs if you didn't insist on taking 'finale shots'
yeah, i found the sharpie that everyone use to sign my tits last night. its dead.
If you end up at a gay bar on a tuesday night in steelers pjs, does that mean youve hit rock bottom?
I just used my VA prescription bottle of xanax to get a military discount at the liquor store. I win.
Only you could get away with that.
Side note, from now on any snap chat I get that isn't interesting enough... Is getting a dick in response. Judge your snaps accordingly
I also told the pizza delivery guy that he smelled good. I must be ovulating.
Whenever someone said no you would yell "Die Motherfucker." Kind of like some twisted drinking game.
If I ever drink whiskey again make sure I don't eat the plastic cups that I'm drinking them from.
Sorry I bailed on you yesterday. I was propositioned.
And you don't turn down margaritas and oral.
Randomize
