I've never had a man I enjoyed more than steak
Telling her that my penis is called megatron was not a good idea for a first date.
maybe i would like her more if 99% of her sentences didn't start with "yesterday when i was reading twilight..."
McDonalds has hash browns for only a quarter!....how many u want?
All of them
You left half a beer on someones car and claimed it was a second day of hanakuh gift
history professor just told us he has magic fingers. i'm going for it.
i think i'd rather have a trophy of a like jizz stained curtain or something
Your maid of honor is passed out in a golf cart on the 18th hole.
nothing says "functioning mature adult" like sneaking beer out of your mom's fridge in a lunchbox
Was it just me or did you also find it awkward when "glad you came" started playing on pandora right after you finished?
Yeah I remember doing the worm in my moms room. While she's yelling at me and I'm making seagull nooises
Im gonna get home and destroy this bag of chicken nuggets with my soul.
NOTHING IN THE WORLD IS GOOD SOFT
NOT ICECREAM NOT DICKS
NOTHING
I just want to be like "i dont know you but ive seen your penis & i like it"
I mean, what's the polite way to say, "sorry but I can't date you cuz I'm sleeping with your boss" ??
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