Revelation of the day. Bulimia is dumb. Anorexia is easier.
You suck.
While I was fucking her, they came in and served us both weed from a hookah. best. friends. ever.
I bet you think you're really funny for switching my line of coke with a line of protein powder.
Your my favorite hello and hardest goodbye.
And I especially mean that last part, half the time you pass out somewhere and it is impossible to get you to leave.
I can't make Walk of Shame Wednesdays a recurring theme.
Well he told me I'd never be a wizard, and so I responded with you'll never have a big penis. After that we both just sat there and cried.
Thanks for not waking me up before the firefighters chopped down my door
Im gunna just be that one ballerina in the low V leopard thong leotard and everyone else can be boring and prude with their little pink tights on.
I made out with a guy because he ate a grape lollipop and he tasted delicious... not my proudest moment.
Drunk Karaoke resulted in only 8 injuries this time, so there is some improvement.
Stupid adulating
Yeah it sucks, but at least I can buy wine so it all comes out in the wash
Last night I crashed my housemates tinderdate, smoked his weed and then left. He felt too awkward to say no.#Empowerment
You said too many real things and now I need to crawl back inside my protective fort of sarcasm, being an asshole, and sass
I was so high I just stared at the papa john's app on my phone and cried
Wait, I'm confused. I EMPTIED the bottle? as in consumed it? I'm impressed with myself.
Randomize
