So he says "lean over this" which is a chain across the doorway, held into the wall with bolts. I do. Then he puts his weight on top of me to try and get it in.
It breaks. We fall.
I now have a broken nose, a concussion, and an infected, split lip. Why do I have the worst luck in guys?
Booty call?
Dude you don't even follow my twitter
You can't hide fat with big sunglasses.
i have one hour to talk myself into enjoying giving him a blow job when i get home
I just saw a guy in front of the courthouse giving himself a sobriety test and fail it...this can't end well
I am officially out of liquor stores within a 15 mile radius that don't recognize me as soon as I walk in the door.
On the bright side, at least we arent the generation raised by fucked up teen moms.
I'm looking for mother nature. And when I find her, I'm looking her right in the eyes and telling her to fuck off.
My cat was watching porn with me. Weirdest bonding experience ever.
I have a cracked rib, no way in hell I'm bottoming for him tonight!
rollerskate sex sounded like a good idea...
I woke up to a quacking alarm clock and a rando in my bed. I told him I liked his cargo shorts. Fireball is not my soulmate anymore.
While strippers were eating ones out of my boobs, several sources claimed trump shared classified info with the russians. We should get hammered on Mondays more often, bitch.
My freshman suitemate just walked into the kitchen to find my fuck buddy making chicken enchiladas without me anywhere to be found. Awkward or awesome?
Dude, she stopped mid blow job to ask the cat's name. ADHD might be a deal breaker after all.
Randomize
