and then when she swallowed her birth control with a shot of vodka and looked in my direction, i knew it was time to go.
His whole family saw that I had cum in my hair once they turned on the blacklight at the bowling alley. You should have seen his mother's face.
After we did it I noticed she was wearing the same underwear as last night.
That's why you don't sleep with the same girl two nights in a row man!
Um he just came into the kitchen naked to get her purse or something?
we were sitting in the bathtub when she came in with her grandpas cane adn beat us until lindsay passed out
What can I say? I like my food like I like my women, not entirely fucked by our contemporary world.
She kept telling people I wrecked her brain. That high.
It's like if a cloud had tits and you laid on them.
Sleeping with random people is the same as soul searching, right? Ps that wasn't a team name suggestion.
I can't believe this. 100 bucks says my Botox lasts longer than their marriage will.
WE HAD GREAT SEX AND I HATE MYSELF FOR IT
The fake number she gave me was for Pappa John's. Now I have a large pepperoni on the way.
Only you could make a reflective vest look even remotely sexy
Fuck you guys, I'm trying to nurse my hangover and eat my chicken tenders in peace.
Never in my life have I seen a grown ass man get on all fours and attempt to buttfuck himself with the leg of a chair. I love Vegas!
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