its not facebook stalking, its market reasearch
i never realize how drunk i am until i start using people as human stripper poles
Wow... that's disturbing man, and their not even my balls
I just woke up with a bunch of French fries in my hand and a chocolate shake balancing on my pillow. Lovely.
In the future let's not drunk dive in the fountain in front of the hotel bar.
It's sad the highlight of the night was you didn't electrocute yourself again.
I was pissing in the urinal at the concert and some drunk chick ran in and yelled 'but the lines to fucking long' then ran out with 10 state troopers chasing her... Yeah
It's home.......I'm going to the store in disguise to get skittles and cake frosting. Then I'll eat the frosting in a dark corner while I cry and wonder what I did to deserve this.
He brought wine and beer. I'll put my pants on for wine and beer.
You were running around waving the flier in everyone's face and thats how we ended up in a church eating free breakfast tacos at 3 am
Dude a gay guy just Sparta kicked this Samoan guy for calling him a flamer you need to get down here the free kamakazee shots haven't even started yet
Don't let me publish my memoir unless "hurt my ankle drunk irish dancing" is at least the title of a chapter because that is really the whole story of my life.
Def don't remember taking those pics I sent you...but it looks like I was in a car? Shit. Looks like my Uber passenger rating just went up exponentially.
Hows your mom
Shes good, she claims she wasnt drunk
She pooped on me during a reverse cowgirl. And it wasn't a little bit either.
Randomize
