cannot fit in my clothes. too depressed to drink.
if you drink enough to puke, it's like a weight loss plan.
hot twin vs twin who's good in bed. why do my life choices same way unfair
you're acting like its my fault you're allergic to sperm or something.
i told you we never speak of that again
masturbating while the coffee brews is the new power nap
Last thing I remember is Dusty riding the bikes we "borrowed" from the hotel through the CVS while the rest of us picked up the girls who were laughing at him
Haha that's why you never name the penis. Its like a pet, once named you will most likely get attached.
We'll find out our level of friendship after tonight. You'll be helping me move a body. My body.
I walk in and my roomie is fucking her bf while wearing lingerie and minnie mouse ears. Right in the childhood.
In other news, I'm pretty sure my mom was encouraging me to have a threesome yesterday... I don't even want to start digging in that garden of horror and trauma.
Props to you. You took the bet seriously. Making out with her for an hour right after she spewed
conclusion from last night: i should wear boob glitter more often
I need all the beers. I want to be holding on to the grass so I don't fall off the earth drunk.
He paid for a 5 star hotel suite and I raided the mini bar after he left. I think that’s bad karma. Want some pringles?
The text I got from my boyfriend this morning: "babe, I'm not mad because I know you were drunk, but you kissed 3 guys last night and I wasn't one of them".
That was the first time i’ve been physically intimidated by a LinkedIn profile.
Randomize
