Its already bleeding so dont be alarmed after you bite it
Eating meat and looking at porn while roommate is at church for Ash Wednesday. Win.
I mean. If you don't have time I understand, but my dick doesn't.
Our professor just said "No class today, go get stoned." A guy seriously walked over and hugged him.
This girl named her kid Rainforrest. If I die, just know it was from laughing so fucking hard.
Im only slightly posetive that left over guacamole and wine are unacceptable for breakfast at 6.30 am
Sorry, but you probably shouldn't come over. I'm too sober for this.
We haven't even eaten dinner yet and she's already been asked to "take it down a notch" by the groom's mom.
It's not that he's ugly its just that being blind folded makes everything less awkward
My ex wife just asked to go over our divorce papers and for sex in the same text
My alarm went off and I went straight for your dick. That's dedication.
Omg. I'm making you a chocolate and "herb" birthday cake and using joints for candles. I'm gunna need moms help with this!
So I'll be starting a scrapbook from all the mugshots of the guys I've slept with
Dont worry, the Canadians are more afraid of you then you are of them.
Is it weird that my mother is taking body shots off my gf after meeting once?
Randomize
