Homeslice needs to figure out he's so 2006
On a scale of 1 to 10 how hot is the girl you're about to fuck?
Strong 6
That's an oxymoron.
i told her my name was noah and she leans in and whispers "that makes me so wet." ive never been more thankful for the Notebook
so how was last night?
got high and had our usual talk about the definition of cole slaw. then tried to call the ramen noodle company and convince them why my face should be on thier packages.
Just threw up in nordstroms while shopping for moms bday with dad. He distracted workers for me. No more tequila
want the rest of his teeth to fall out while he slowly dies alone. Pretty sure I'm to the anger phase.
I'm afraid to text her because most of the time she just replies with "cockblock."
when i tried to put the condom on he started screaming about how he didn't want his groceries bagged
But life isn't just all about getting drunk & eating chicken strips.
my roommate had a few special brownies and wrapped my purse and one of my shoes and left them under the tree for me...
Plus it's a good way to scope out guys. Have them fight for you, like real males do in nature.
I feel like I'm going to shit out a Big Mac
My sunday was babysitting three big, drunk, crying Swedes. Unless your day involved four or more giant drunk swedes I don't want to hear about it.
You tipped the Uber driver extra for taking your phone away while you were drunk texting
I offered to go down on her because of how impressive her theatre career was. Stop letting me talk to lesbians.
Randomize
