I'm so horny!
I'm so hungry
WHAT A TERRIBLE REPLY!
For your pussy...
She made me repeat after her: "I take responsibility for what I put in my own mouth."
i sleep in a fine layer of vodka and semen. i don't know that that would appropriate for a pajama rally.
That's the last time we joust in Radio Flyer wagons after margarita night.
The strip club called, they have your shoe.
Just had to buy plan b w/ my robotic baby from family living.. Awkward.
DO IT, or I'll send you pictures of my hickey to remind you of your loneliness
No one parties like Jon. He once stole a cops hat, ran like the wind, partied all night with it, and dropped it off at the station the next day with a box of donuts as an appology.
It's like you're the one guy who got the "girls have clits" memo.
We used a snorkel as a funnel. Can you say desperate?
he apologises profusely for spelling mistakes in his texts but doesn't care about cheating on me. priorities
Hungover playing piano at a baptism I am the PICTURE of class I feel like I should be struck by lightning
So, in keeping with the last two years, are we going to watch the new Hobbit movie on acid again? It's kinda starting to feel like a Christmas tradition.
Woke up this morning with girl, I ask her for some gum. She says "there's a guest toothbrush for the boys in my bathroom". I can't decide whats worse, that she has a shack brush or that I actually used it
Emergency. I brought a boy home and we fell asleep, but I just woke up to him peeing against my bedroom wall. So I brought him to the bathroom but he fell over and he's sleeping in the tub. Can I leave him there? Because that's what I've done.
Better the hardwood than the carpet, right?
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