cutting back on calories before spring break by only taking shots instead of drinking actual drinks.
the diet of an alcoholic...
It's officially time to start saving up weed money for the NCAA tournament
My rats are drinking wine. I am drinking with rats. God i am so alone.
Balls are wasted. Waste are ballsted. Ballsd wasted
I wonder if her husband knows I have my own drawer at the apartment
i thought i should point out that whatever else you can say about me, i've still gotten high with a midget.
just found out I was hugging strangers at the bar last night. there's photographic evidence. I know none of them
I asked him why he was eating an entire can of refried beans, the only answer I got was "revenge"
Dear Jesus. Send me strength to not suck cock this morning.
Like real life can suck my metaphorical dick right now.
I just want to dump glitter on my floor and roll in it like a cat in catnip.
Do it!! We better have a duck by the time I get home.
What happened last night?
Lets just say you asked me a couple times if you had eyeballs..
So uh. Your future in porn. Would you be willing to wear an alien costume for it?
I would give away three of my own ribs to be able to eat myself out.
...ew
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