So, I'm about to rent a movie, order pizza, and use my vibrator.... Am I dating myself?
literally had 100 drinks last night.
my little brother just caught me blowing my step cousin in the lobby bathroom at our family reunion
I'm drinking reisling in a paper cup by myself in the garage.
it went kinda like vodka, childhood memories, screaming/cursing, fist fight, tears, broken shit, passing out. in that order. tis the season.
Just woke up in a hotel next to a 38 year old mom who's married... I think Spring Break has started
i finally watched harry potter... a tad unrealistic if you ask me... i mean a ginger kid with 2 friends?
theyll ask where you are and ill say on a date crying in a sombrero
like that time i did too much ghb at gay pride
Just bought an airhorn. Bad things will happen.
Given my current decline of critical thinking and capacity for speech it's probably best u call the cops
Showering in my swimsuit in hopes of getting the beer smell out.
I was about to send you a concerned-for-your-safety text b/c it took you more than ten seconds to respond to a text that mentioned both the bar and lesbians
No, trust me. Falling down the stairs is a fucking sobering experience.
Just bought weed from the ice cream man. The kid in front of me got a tootie fruitie.
I didn't wake up drunk this year...I must be getting soft
Yeah I guess quad-fisting Miller Lites just isn't as effective as it used to be
Randomize
