Get out...Run...Or there's going to be a dick in your mailbox
he ate out my asshole, i really don't think he gets embarrassed easily.
he asked me to hangout with him...and his son
It was worse than when we pepper-sprayed my dick. I feel mislead.
He came in my nose, then said it would help clear my sinuses.
I assume it was your influence that had me go from DD to waking up out on the deck with one eyebrow shaved off??
you know you're a senior when your friends are at the bar before you even get out of class
why the fuck would you go to class? it's karaoke wednesday.
I'm trying not to drink. I may fall down if I move. This is bad. I had everclear before the bar. Oh no. Oh no. Breathe. Breathe. Breathe.
I feel like I have to sign a death waver before I have sex with him...
I've slept in a different bed every day this week. Operation Ho Ho Ho is a success!
My dad found me naked curled up under a towel on the couch with a fucking tub of butter and a spoon. Ambien Mondays are dead
one of my coworkers wanted to look something up on YouTube on my tablet. I didn't know how to explain why my most recent search was "girl fucks dog."
Hey you're my best friend, I'm sorry I picked my vagina over my heart last night.
in retrospect i think my mom tried to raise me gay
Just an FYI you do have to wear pants to lunch
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