no, no I am DEF NOT pregnant. typo. sorry, wanted to talk about us...
Ur just texting me random shit. That's what Twitter is for
By the way, her vagina was so tight i was worried that i would be stuck forever
Training to be a housewife: cleaning the house and masturbating while cookies are in the oven.
Through drunken recall, I have managed to bring back awful memories of losing my virginity. And possibly traumatized my niece trying to get her to "learn from my mistakes".
Eating this pizza pocket is like eating out god
How sad is it that I'm looking in the farm & garden section of craigslist to find a weed dealer. I mean, that's where they'd be right? Just gotta break the code.
He just showed up with a bottle of wild turkey a half a can of coke and some marshmallows yelling "gobble gobble bitches" my roommates hate my cousin
I AM VODKA MAN
why do all the dudes in this porno look like billy ray cyrus
I have bad memories with every alcohol but we manage to work through the problems for the good of the relationship
On her way to bed she said, "If you have sex on the couch, just move my blanket" Needles to say, we moved the blanket
Guy fieri is speaking only to me. We make eye contact. My whole body is vibrating. My head is purring. I am literally marbles.
Our office went out together for the first time to celebrate the fact our coworker got fired.
WHY CANT I FIND JUST A NORMAL DISNEY LOVING MAN TO PAINT WITH ALL THE COLORS OF THE WIND WITH!!
Randomize
