quitting drinking is the number 5 new years resolution but number 4 is enjoying life more which one do you think im going to pick
Then we managed to set a grill and all 24lbs of meat on it on fire. I didn't help because I was filled with alcohol and extra flammable.
almost just walked around my whole building with my bowl in my hand before i remembered 420 isnt a get out of jail free card
When you're opening a bottle of tequila with a golf club, it's probably time to stop drinking...
If you get me so fucked up I can't use the microwave , I'm going to be so mad at you
I'm beginning to think the entirety of my appeal is due to the size of my ass.
I know, my friend Erin took me into the bathroom at work and poured pickle juice on me.
The appetizer at the dinner I went to tonight was Klonopin and a Bloody Mary.
I think it was a low point but honestly at this point I've had so many that my life is like a valley
Is it completely inappropriate to base my morning after pill purchase on if they sell coffee or not?
Can you tell dad to stop liking and sharing porn on FB again?
Waking up next to a guy you don't remember going home with and the first thing you say is: where is my tiara? = successful birthday
You hit your head and proceeded to fall in the floor, curl up in my lap and make me rock you like a small infant. I was beginning to worry until you started to sing "Rock me momma like a wagon wheel".
My ex unfollowed me on SPOTIFY bruh. Freaking spotify. The butthurt is real
Ya i'm marrying the man who can hear/smell this level of flatulence and stick around
Randomize
