uhhh i just had a guy tell me he's seen more jam bands and done more drugs than i could err imagine. what a turn on.
I'll let you put expensive food in me, but really, not much else.
She put baby oil on her toes and i am not legally allowed to talk about what happened
he doesn't drink and he's an emt - he'll be our dd for nye in exchange for a threesome tomorrow afternoon.
It's not like I'm never gonna put out again. I'm a sure thing. I promise.
Can you send me a picture of you not naked, my mom wants to see what you look like
That's like being smoked out by a unicorn. If the opportunity presents itself you fucking do it and don't ask questions.
I shame-fucked to Hotel California, don't tell me about priorities.
Tried to make hash outta one of those keurig machines. I don't know why. Maybe the drunkenness, but now I have mushy bud and no ganja
You proceeded to get into a playground school bus and yell "all aboard to Margaritaville!"
They should incorporate dolphins into professional surfing
Not sure if your roommate speaks German while sleeping, or if she woke up, figured out we were fucking, and used German to swear at us.
I couldn't even tell you how many times I've said "wrong hole" today
I thought the dude was just really enjoying his piss but apparently he was jerkin off into the urinal.
I woke up thinking it was Friday. I was disappointed (to say the least). I am pretty sure I have gained the quarantine fifteen (but I won’t know until I try to put something other than elastic-waisted shorts on). And I am probably going to need dentures because I am grinding my teeth so much. But hey--this is temporary, right?
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