U dropped me off n it hit me, i made it inside for exactly shit thirty on the nose, another minute n i would of had brown trowsers
I just farted at work and tried to cover up the noise by shuffling papers around
Apparently oprah and I were in competition to see who's ass could get bigger this summer
my family just sang happy birthday to baby jesus. no ones even drunk yet
I love watching others lives come down to our level.
It was good sex. She was screaming so much I didn't know whether or not my name was Matt or God.
well, someone with very low standards is getting their dick sucked
you took my bottle from me saying i was unprepared for its magical qualities. then you buckled it in the backseat.
You can identity the picture as me the mistress his wife and him. It's that kinda awkard.
Please tell me you aren't concussed from dancing on the stripper pole
I've noticed we have slowly begun to phase the "B" out of our Bromance.
Running my fingers through my hair was like that scene in Patch Adams where the old lady got to swim in a pool of pasta. I love Molly.
Totally just railed SuperGirl for my birthday. Best Girlfriend EVER!
I'm just hitting the tip of the iceberg on accents for this trip...so basically my panties are done for.
I'll bring spiced rum
I am not drinking that devil juice
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