ps i'm pretty sure i was blacked out when we hooked up? good thing i was w. you and not an actual diddler or an organ harvester
Hahaha. Shut up you were blacked out my ass. U were str8 mixin it up with urs truly like it was ur J-O-B
love makes seman taste better
I jsut got pulled over and passed the sobritaty test.
Good thing spelling doesn't count.
im at that stage where all she has to do is cough or something and it pisses me off
Apparently I fed my Plan B to my turtle last night.
If it wasn't obvious enough to the cops that she was drunk, she threw in, "I like the colors of the lights because it makes purple."
Tell me why I keep soberly hesitating to go pee in fear of breaking the seal. Thank you college.
Am I texting you while being used as a stripper pole by two half-naked women? hint: I am.
I literally used, "MY VAGINA IS TOO FANTASTIC FOR HIM TO STAY GAY" as a valid argument for attempting to fuck my gay friend.
I have a kicked-out-of-multiple-bars level hangover today
No, the moral of my Oxford interview was "Never snort caffeine pills".
Who says there aren't gentlemen anymore? My one night stand warmed up my car for me
As soon as he came we went to Dairy Queen. That drive through lady was very condescending about our "just fucked" ice cream.
They made up a new version of "Smash or Pass" called "I would(n't) let you sit on my face" to yell at the freshman
I honestly have no desire to wear clothes around you
I have that affect on people
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