I never Thought the day id see a chick shove a 2liter up her vag. that happened last night
so last night after we hooked up i got my period and woke up this morning with a blood stain on his bed and not only was it huge but i had put my jeans back on before bed so i took the walk of shame with period stained pants
you kept shouting how the only tree you would hump is an elm tree because they're under populated
omg. don't know how to spell his name, but hot new zealand guy's dick is magic
Found a 10-can wizard staff hidden in our closet. Did we cut someone off?
That's yours. We cut you off.
Suuuuuuper drunk and just sang fuck her gently to the chiminea. I'm in bad shape.
I look like one classy bitch running in heels through my backyard while carrying a small dog and a large bottle of booze. How am I still single?
Seems like you've kicked summer 2012 off well.
You better fucking tell me or I'm turning blow job week into go fuck yourself week.
The multiple male orgasm is a real thing. I've seen it. I've caused it. I called him a unicorn.
Oh yeah. I pretty much fucked the universes brains out lastnight. It was glorious.
at one point while they were drilling into my jaw I just remember thinking "will I ever be able to suck dick again"
Did that sound smart? Cuz beneath the boozy exterior beats the heart of a fucking scientist.
honestly, you deserve someone taller anyways
He is completely naked, curled in a ball, and rocking back and forth in the shower humming lullabies to himself. This is your responsibility since I'm going to be fucking someone in 5.7 seconds.
Had to claim I'd "gone lesbian" to get my cat back. Thank God I got away from that one.
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