If I sit on the seam of my jeans just the right way when the bass hits, this might be my new favorite band.
You stuck the head of a rubber chicken you found in her house up your ass and then started running around her living room. Naked.
just saw someone puke all over a michigan fan. he didn't even flinch.
a bus full of elementary school kids may or may not have seen me pissing off my front porch this morning
so all the bums hang out by my new store, they have a leader we call king bum... He got dethroned by police today for choking out a hooker. The bum heirarchy is in shambles right now.
I just walked past a woman in the bar stroking a mans crotch, yelling 'I made this. I made this happen.'
I have reached the point in my life where I realized this is what I'm going to do for the rest of my life. Eat, shit , bar, drink, drank, drunk.
And I really REALLY don't feel like cleaning cinnamon off my penis tonight.
A BJ like that needs to be recommended.
Should I tell this TSA agent his fly is down while he is trying to hit on this chick?
What is it with the dog running away when we have epic hangovers
What's the polite way to tell someone she's a grown ass woman and she needs to start acting like it.
the guy working the counter at the liquor store noticed i got my haircut and said it was pretty.....
She gave me a collar. When I asked what this was for she replied "I'm taming your dick"
got some info she was last seen with some guy wearing goggles
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