If I die today, promise to let the world know I partied.... oh god did I party
ran into someone who graduated hs with us while i was paying for booze in quarters. i love it when people from my past catch me in my classier moments.
I think its a sure sign I need to get laid when every cloud in the sky looks like a penis.
I didn't realize how hung over I was until I rolled over and the world rolled over with me.
im not going to any frat parties next semester. for once i want them to think its actually hard to get in my vagina
buying my parents vodka for Christmas is like buying a normal person socks.
He's crying and calling me out on using him. It's awful. And I'm too drunk to leave.
do u know what happened to the bottles last night?
apparently we hid them.... i google mapped the location into my phone
She had a belly button piercing in the shape of a cross. Talk about mixed messages.
I drunkenly texted ur dad last night telling him he raised great kids hahahahaha
Grandma's bordering on serious shit show territory at this point.
I just realized how terrible that was... I was drumming on your penis to a song about Baby Jesus.
My mother expressed her concerns about my drinking via a facebook message.
I dropped my slice of pineapple on the kitchen floor and was just staring at it about to cry. It was really good pineapple.
I woke up in a bathtub full of green and blue Nickelodeon slime! wtf?!
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