I know right? mind you this is the same woman who told me when I was 12 that oral sex just meant talking dirty
just survived the first fart of the relationship.
This girl I work with, who is 18 btw, invited me to her baby shower. Do they sell abortions in gift certificate form?
Just farted cum and thought I shit myself. Crisis averted tho
I woke up 25 minutes ago and have been high for 20. Impressive?
17 year olds will be the death of me.
Fixing to yell "you're too hot for her" at a Gerard butler look alike. There is absolutely no way this is going to end well...
I tried to say goodbye but you were hugging a trash can and I wasn't sure if you had clothes on
the only thing you and i have in common is the we like weed and looking at my naked body.
I'm semi drunk. I just bought you penis moisturizer. Not kidding. Keep an eye out for the package. Merry Christmas.
Just had a flashback to Friday. Definitely had my hands in someone's bra. Definitely wasn't mine.
I woke up to him "wax on, wax off"-ing my boobs. I just reminded myself that I love him and let it happen.
Literally breaking up to my boyfriend while jamming out to Feraglicious
You just missed an honest to god bukkake
Also this morning I remembered seeing the stripper he threw up on later in the night. She was clothed though.
Randomize
