I am so gay it hurts my loins. Going to see She's Just Not That Into You... again. Ohhh my goodness.
so i have my big date this weekend, and i was practicing giving head with a bottle in the shower. i stopped and looked at the botton of the bottle. it was PURE MOLD! if i die, dont tell the doctors how this happened....
She fell onto my light and broke all four plants. I don't care how good the blowjob was.
This is one of those situations that make me think to myself "what life decision did I make to get here"
Shared a jello shot with her mom last night. then she tucked me in and took of my shoes for me
Yah, I guess one silver lining is I'd never seen a full water cooler get thrown down a flight of stairs, gotta appreciate the little things
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ecstacy + fleshlight = not all that upset about being newly single anymore
Post walk of shame: realized the underwear I put on when I left was another girl's underwear.... woof
I asked the subway guy how many cookies he thought I could smuggle into the bar. He said it looked like a 6 packer. he was correct
We got the DJ into it too! "If there are any dudes into other dudes out there, my man mark is looking to get pounded. Buy him a drink stat!"
Were you citizens arresting people again last night?
Jesus tap dancing Christ rock out with your cock out is supposed to be just an expression. And even if it weren't no one wants pics bro.
I threw up in a wendys bag in her car. when i went to throw it out the window it exploded all over me. No I don't think there will be a second date.
He unofficially told me he deleted his tinder because of me. I think that’s a pretty romantic gesture in 2018
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