matts gf stood and watched my naked ass gather my clothes off his floor this morning. sweet.
im never drinking mad dog again and i have your belt.
living well may be the best revenge, but it doesn't hurt that my exhusband is now dating a BEAST.
3 complete strangers have joyously high-fived me on campus today. Tell me why, starting after jager bomb #4.
Dude we got so high last night. I said "watch this" threw a goldfish cracker in the toilet, and laughed my ass off. We watched the dvd menu for 30 minutes too.
Chipotle...archenemy of the gay man. Cockblocking me since 1997
I'm sick of being the only unemployed member of the group. Doing things alone isn't partying. Its sad.
I wouldn't blow him for all the queso in the world.
I'd rather blow that homeless guy who asked me to breast feed him.
do you remember the random banging on my door at 3 am wearing 2 budlight cases as a dress
If those antibiotics mean you can't drink, ya might as well pack your bags and re-enroll next fall, because sobriety this week would be social suicide.
This is what we do on Thursday nights. Spray tans, blunts and drawing pictures of cats.
I've been up for almost three hours and it took me until JUST NOW to figure out that what I'm tasting isn't blood, just the minerals in the water. Fuck hangovers, man.
Dude, I just hit your nipple with a bottle of lube while you were wearing a shirt, 10 feet away without my glasses and I only have "not bad" aim?
I tried to order champagne at IHOP last night
Goodnight Shia. Goodnight Moon.
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