I have so many mobile devices now, I only use my laptop for porn.
You were in the garage half naked counting your ribs and talking about how you had too many
I just reenacted what a cuntadactyl would act like by putting straws in my mouth as teeth and roaring, Plz come get me.
One date. That's all it took. I want to have his geunis babies in me. One date.
I'm at your house, laying with your dog, eating taco meat, take your time.
Would it be totally inappropriate to have his frat and our sorority Teebowing our exit from the abortion clinic?
I had wine for breakfast at 6am, that's how visiting my parents went.
I think I need to expose myself to your dog so he knows that I am also a male.
MEG JUST LICKED A DRAIN PIPE. DAVE PUNCHED MATT IN THE THROAT. ALL BOUNDARIES ARE DOWN. I REPEAT. ALL BOUNDARIES ARE DOWN.
I did all i could do but i woke up smelling like cigars and theres salsa all over my face
I just walked out of the side door of the bar to come in the front door so no one would know I've been here drinking before our work meeting.
I swear if you laugh while im moaning i will immediately stop and go home.
God dammit everything I said last night about jungle juice being awesome just does not carry over into the next day
My pizza delivery guy was so hot I was like omg please let this be the beginning of a porno
So your telling me I can lick your ass but you CAN'T spend my money
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