My mom foundout about my dui nd just called me to come home. I just took acid like 30 min ago. Wht should i do?
So i decided to deal with the awkwardness of last night by making out with all three of them
btw i have an angry voicemail of you yelling at me to get you a sandwich or die.
This girl just introduced herself as Queefer Sutherland. She's on a roller derby team. What. The. Fuck.
There are now half chewed girl scout cookies plastered to my windshield. Do you know anything about this?
is pulling out brownies in the middle of class on 4/20 just too obvious?
What color are my eyes?
Ummmm... 34 C?
We lost Kevin again. Probably kidnapped by fattie 2 or butter-face 2 from last night. We need names and any information you can give us. Last scene with his shoe laces converted into a belt.
They set the pop up pool in the basement-running filter and all. Drunk swimming. Come now.
Future roommate keeps sending me pictures of cool shit she has for our dorm and I'm just like "... I have a set of Aggie wine glasses a great set of tits."
I'm sure the lady doing my pedicure could smell the sex on me.
Happy birthday and sorry I punched your friend in the face
Is it inappropriate to match with someone on tinder just to ask if the friend in his profile picture is single?
On a scale of "huh, that's interesting" to "holy porn stars, batman". How good?
Definitely closer to "holy porn stars, batman".
sober me doesnt really want him anymore, but when drunk me takes over, she might want him, and god only knows the shit that might happen with drunk me.
Randomize
