i know we just met, but i forget your name, and i'm wondering why my penis burns?
You're the end to all my bad dreams.
Did you have that reoccuring dream about me banging your mom again?
I've heard semen is good for your skin though, so that pimple on my chin should clear right up.
literally followed a trail of condoms to the bus stop this morning. Ahh modern-day bread crumbs
So i just found out i replied to my room mates craigslist ad. Akward
my girls lil sis wanted to play hide & seek. she told her 2 go hide. we went to the room and had sex. she was hiding under the bed.
Was I really yelling "girls night" at random chicks before stealing and drinking all their shots?
i have two emotions: emotionless and blind with rage
I feel like an elephant shit on me and left me to be miserable
Its funny that for once I get home and I'm just as high as my parents are.
Locals got pissed I was talking to the barmaid. Tried to tell me that they keep all the good beer at "a Soho walkup" Google saved me
I stole a tiki torch last night and just returned it. Things have been better.
He was stoned laying on my bed singing I'm a little tea cup while I took a pregnancy test. Thank god it was negative.
YOUUUU FUCKING FURRYYYY
I DIDN'T COME HERE TO BE SLANDERED LIKE THIS
Just trying to show you I care.
Isn't it supposed to be "what would you like for dinner?" instead of "how do you take your blow?"
Hey, you're the one who asked me to mc to move in.
Randomize
