I hate having morals and standards the next morning.
My pussy is not your playground.
In attempts to Not be THAT GIRL in front of my new crush I will only drink a 12 pack instead of my normal case.
his tattoo said carpe diem which i thought was ironic considering his epilepsy
so apparently dipping a tampon in red gatorade and throwing it out the window on the highway is a $100 fine
I'm going to fuck him so hard that his dick is going to fracture
Glad to see your being a lady about this
you know I love you but I need to see your friends tits
His new job just became new places to have sex at.
She said I was the most selfish person in bed she's ever been with and she's fucked Tucker Max.
it wasn't sex so much as.....a disastrously uncomfortable sexual experience
So they just told me that while I was being loaded into the ambulance the cop told them if they were good friends they'd post it on Facebook...
The subtweets were good enough
You called me last night and said you had a vision that a cat made you a sandwich. You were tripping way too hard
every day is bullshit and fuck everyone. That's my motto for the week
Thanks for having me over last night. Sorry I licked rum off your kitchen floor.
So there we are, fucking beneath the Christmas tree and I glance up and see one of the local Jehovah's witnesses staring in horror through the decorative glass in the front door. I'm so proud of us.
Randomize
