i saved all my weight watcher points for this alcohol
Great, now everyone thinks I've had giraffe semen in me
I am spending my work day planning my weekend drinking schedule
im sober
you just pulled your sweatpants out of your bag and thanked them for being alive
Really, thanks for buying me caribou, it helped me out. Today will forever be the day I threw up in a caribou cup in the skyway outside of chipotle.
Dude, I think shitting blood should be a cause for concern not celebration that you had a great night.
I just realized I'm the burger in your burger and steak anology. Very disconcerting.
NATIONAL GIVE A BOSTON COP A BLOW JOB BITCH ROAD TRIP NOW
We watched game of thrones, broke up and I drove away blasting ridin solo while he dougied
come over we're fb stalking guys who were dressed as bananas last night because i can't remember which one i blew
When I finally came to, I was in the DJ booth wearing his headphones while he was spinning. That's all I got.
And with one simple text you can separate the men from the boys...."it's that time of the month."
Do me a favor and scream dirty things at him in a polite sexy, come hither way
Oh my god, my vagina is cursed. He's cursed my vagina so that no one but him can maintain a boner around me. I'm sure of it.
No I'm not lying to you. I'm just not telling you the whole story. There's a massive difference.
Randomize
