Remember that night when i almost got you arrested? Is that funny yet?
Sometimes I think its so cool that a dick that has been inside kate moss has also been inside me. So exciting.
As a driver I hate pedestrians, and as a pedestrian I hate drivers, but no matter what the mode of transportation, I always hate cyclists.
So apparently vaginal secretions are not covered under water damage insurance for my cell phone
Need toilet paper. Napkins suck. Slowly running out of those two and the bleeding hasn't stopped. Your cat is next
she wouldn't play beer pong with me unless I took off the rollerskates.
the campus cop used the word depravity in our citation.
currently pooping in a public restroom while drinking free beer. there has never been a finer line between awesome and depressing.
Dont eat ANYTHING off the floor at Matt's house. He likes floor sex.
If you were a good friend you would take the nipple tassels off me before the ambulance comes.
Do you think I shall pursue this journey to the center if the dick?
He walked up to anal ring toss like he was going to win you a teddy bear
I'm noticing I drink less and do fewer lines when I do both together.
Now that's what I call smart money management.
this bedazzled flask is my best investment yet
The dogs decided to play a new game called "Who Can Scream the Loudest?"
I won.
Randomize
