I should take him calling me "a freak of nature" after sex as a compliment, right??
I think animal control just caught me smoking a bowl on the back porch. Do they have any say in this matter?? Haha
did the fire alarm go off at the party last night I kind of remember a fire alarm noise
omg omg i ripped it out of the ceiling omg
what compelled you to fill her bra with pudding and freeze it in the first place?
i might remember if i didn't get knocked out with it later that day.
my entire left arm went numb
you need to get that checked to make sure you're not wired to have strokes instead of orgasms
I found the crust to my pizza under my covers that's cool
Should I tell him how he got the bruise on his ass or just enjoy his theories?
You added his wife on Facebook?! You're horrible at this mistress thing
Like I didn't gracefully walk into these feelings. No, I fucking stumbled and fell face fucking first.
I was in a bad mood so I guilted her into giving me $100 on a weekly basis and now I feel bad but I don't know how to tell her I hustled her
I told him I was studying his body for art, so now I have to actually do a drawing of him to not look like a creep and so we can hook up again.
My boss just texted me, clearly drunk, and said get down here pronto with a handle of rum, 50 lbs. of cold cuts, and a BB gun. This is not why I went to law school.
all I know is that I was naked, and there were cheeto puffs everywhere...
Just blew on a shot of whiskey to cool it off, like it was soup...
Of course he did! You’ve seen my tits, you know he didn’t stand a chance!
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