So #1 way to come back last night and #2 wishbone and I broke into his house and i opened joey's door and u were both passed out and pantless.
omg he said he wants to insert his penis into my vagnia what do i say
tell him to stop quoting family guy
Right when I walked into the party my boyfriend stood up and yelled, "HEY TITS, GET ME A BEER!"
That bad?
Full length cargo pants, running shoes, and a partial unibrow. Alcohol really is blinding.
I should start riding the bus again so I can drink all day
All I remember is mattress sliding down the stairs while giving him a blow-job. Sorry you had to witness the incident.
I'm too hungover to crawl to the fridge so im eating the candy nipple tassels I got bought for Christmas
I have no idea how I got home or why I am naked but I assume I owe you a thank you...
Don't you judge us. Sockets make ideal bowls
He walked up to anal ring toss like he was going to win you a teddy bear
I went from looking for a bong to home decor in a 10 minute span. This is what being an adult is all about!
currently working on a look that screams, "I'm dead inside, but still trying to enjoy the ride"
Dude. $3 Jack n Cokes AND Cheesesticks... Find me tomorrow plz
highlight of my day: hitchhiking a ride with random locals. tried to make conversation, asked what they do. driver says "you clearly don't recognize me." turns out i have had sex with him and forgot.
You are officially qualified to graduate from college.
Despite evidence suggesting otherwise, it turns out max is 100%straight.
Randomize
