I told u I don't really remember everything lol i pretty much remember not lasting as long as I norm and that I wore a condom, I hate condoms
He wants to be 'in an open relationship'. Fuck that. That's the online equivalent of letting him pee in a circle around me.
dude relax anyone of us could have gotten that girl pregnant
Can you call him, he said something about going to the balcony to pee and now hes texting me saying hes lost
I'm drinking carlo rossi straight from the jug. I don't have any clean cups...how am I still at this point in my life...
She just flushed the toilet with her head inside it...
All she kept whispering was put your pickle in my mouth. Then she fell out of her barstool and chipped her tooth
Dude, you bit through my nipple. Give it a week, damn.
He stopped replying so I told him I got tested and it came back positive for chlamydia to see if he replied. His phone magically works again!
The Winnie the Pooh costume was great until you got drunk and started yelling at the kids asking for pictures.
When he texted me, I got a little wet. Until he asked me to get Jimmy Johns before I got to his house.
You might have been able to redeem yourself had you not referred to grandma as "this bitch".
That explains the hand print on my face. That old lady knows how to throw a punch.
the straight edge chick smoked with me, because according to her my bowl is pretty
Then you're three pancakes deep in regret.
At what point did i decide poptarts, nyquil, and whiskey was a good idea?
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