Did we have sex?
No you put the condom on then passed out on the bed so I left
I'm pretty sure she sent a group text out saying that I was the one to get with her last night and sorry to everyone who didnt make it.
Honestly it was an honor just to be nominated.
Measuring your booze intake in glasses is like measuring Rosie O'Donnell's weight in ounces.
She is going down in cock block history. He went in to kiss me and she threw her hand between our faces and yelled "DENIED!"
You swear the intervention is for her? I've fallen for that one twice.
Things got outta hand once she told me to water-board her with Patron.
It's going to take a while to see a dick pic that I enjoy more than richs helicopter video
Dude just pulled his dick out and started stroking it and making s sound like cocking a shotgun....wtf was in those e pills
Well I talked to some Canadians today, and I'm keeping a vigilant watch for sharks, so I'm pretty booked up.
He was rocking just a diaper, shoes, and a gun. Sadly, I would still hit it.
Just to circumvent as much mood-killing as possible, you are allowed a small amount of laughter at my pubic hair. Too much and I revoke your vagina privileges until you can get your shit together.
Turning 21 will be slightly bittersweet. Never again will I be able to get underage drunk at Disney World, now I'll only be able to get legal drunk and that just sets a whole different and sad tone for my life.
I feel like weed makes my smarter. I'm watching the stocks and the way I understand if, do not invest in Yahoo right now because they are not fit for that.
Is there a word in the English dictionary for impressed, yet disgusted?
I think the word you're looking for is flabbergasted.
Hey I didn't mean to be all lemme get with your ex husband.
Randomize
