Was the mom I hooked up with decently attractive I feel like her two friends were hotter
So hungover. They actually hid easter eggs around me.
im not even sure if i fucked her just woke up in her closet.
Dude she's on meds. He has a ginormous penis. Ur A dumbass. That concludes our feelings chat. Dim Sumday?
Just so we're clear this time around: This is dinner with my FAMILY. Not an opportunity for you to drink too much, and use the word "dick-thumpin" in casual conversation.
He went to WalMart with $30 and came back with a watch, a basketball and an engagement ring.
I don't believe in coincidence. I believe in the stars aligning perfectly to sodomise me in public. Who ever said I was cynical?
HE'S LICKING FROSTING OFF OF THE EIGHTEEN YEAR OLD BOY
Apparently there's nothing on sonza for "giving a handjob while sunbathing"
The whole time we were hanging out my vagina was yelling at me like its a real live penis that wants to have sex with us what are you doing
I will never look at a penis the same again. After that I will appreciate them so much more than I do. Makes me wanna kiss yours just for being pretty
We were having a serious discussion about Blue's Clues and I just kept thinking, 'you've seen me naked'.
Maid of honor screwed up the joke so I just got to explain what a strap on is and why a married lady might want one to Grandma and my brother's wedding shower.
You stumbled in the door as high as a kite, & ran into the table. I asked you if you were all right. You replied with "I don't have any soup."
Shut up. I hate you. We're doing shots tomorrow. Fuck the consequences.
Randomize
